Can it be true?

In its latest news section, The Irish Times cruelly thunders:

'Trimble back to join Ulster revival'

Staff at Bobballs urge Ulster Unionists everywhere to hammer large pieces of crooked wood up against doors and hide under the bed. Reconcile yourselves with your worst nightmares!

Can it be true? Erm... well, yes. Andrew Trimble is in the squad for a revived Ulster side ahead of the game on Friday.

Staff at Bobballs urge Ulster Unionists everywhere to stop blubbing, straigthen up from that foetal position and climb out from under the bed.

Instead, Staff at Bobballs urge Llanelli fans everywhere to hammer large pieces of crooked wood up against doors and hide under the bed. Reconcile yourselves with your worst nightmares!