WORLD EXCLUSIVE: Bel Tel prints bollocks!

On Friday, the Belfast Telegraph scooped that Mandie was set to appear on Strictly Come Dancing. Staff at Bobballs thought this a curious story and pledged to f&^%$*g eat our hats if it so transpired.

Well, Saturday came and... Peter Mandelson did indeed appear on Strictly Come Dancing. But before we tuck into our hats, consider this:

RANDOM!
According to that Bel Tel scoop:

Former Northern Ireland Secretary Peter Mandelson is tipped to make a surprise guest appearance on the final of Strictly Come Dancing tomorrow night.

BOLLOCKS!
It went on:

The Secretary of State for Business is expected to take to the dancefloor alongside celebrities Lisa Snowdon, Rachel Stevens and Tom Chambers to wow the crowd in a Christmas extravaganza.

CREDULOUS!
Indeed, this was quite some exclusive. A world exclusive in fact. Because no one else in the world went near this story. Anywhere. That’s not say something of this story hadn’t appeared widely in another form.

Mandelson admits Strictly envy
Mandelson would love to be asked on Strictly Come Dancing
Lord of the Dance: Peter Mandelson on Strictly Come Dancing?
Poll: Should Peter Mandelson do Strictly Come Dancing?

So there was a comfy lattice of speculative stories to place this world exclusive upon, right?

TOSH!
Back to the Bel Tel and cue New Labour tosh from Derek Draper:

[Peter is] one of those rare people who can dance flamboyantly while looking rather cool.

That was the point where the whiff of random bollocks became quite overpowering. Then as Peter’s office revealed to the Bel Tel:

Peter has been provided with a couple of tickets for the show, but that doesn’t mean to say he’s going to go.

Okay, cut the crap: is he dancing or is he sitting in an audience?

FISHED IN!
The Times reported that Mandelson attended the final ‘after cheekily suggesting that he would like to join the contestants’. But it seems that only the Belfast Telegraph reported that cheeky suggestion as serious news.

Apparently:

Lord Mandelson, 55, was given a ringside seat for the ballroom showdown with his goddaughter Matilda, 12, daughter of the novelist Robert Harris.

So to recap...

• Mandelson to make surprise appearance and dance alongside Lisa Snowdon. (Totally made-up bollocks.)
• Mandelson takes goddaughter to sit in audience of television programme. (Less interesting truth.)

Why was this so difficult spot? Which muppet is responsible for unleashing this onto the newspages of NI’s national newspaper?

One thing cannot be denied - the New Labour spin machine has a very long reach.