Boom! Boom!

Well done Simon Hoggart... for coming up with two gags of the week, and placing them right beside each other. The butt of the gags? The irrelevant Nick Clegg.

GAG ONE

He uttered a ringing battle cry. "We need a bottom-up tax policy!" he declared. Some parties offer a magic pill. Only the Lib Dems offer a magic suppository.

GAG TWO

Finally he announced movingly that he was going to take paternity leave next year when his wife has her next baby. "Faced with the choice of spending time in a bar with my colleagues, and reading a book to my children - well, that's a no-brainer!"

Only politicians can make that kind of remark, because their trade is held in such low self-esteem. Could a fireman ever say: "Faced with the choice of saving an old lady's life and reading a bedtime story … " Of course not.

Ouch, it smarts.